VILFs: He’s 700 Years Old, and So Are His Hang-ups
The tragedy of old age is not that one is old, but that one is young.
—Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray
A relationship between vampires and humans truly is the most extreme of May-December romances. He has lived through the entire history of mankind (maybe). The vampire has an enormous range of experiences to draw upon, and they are shaped by millennia of upheaval, change, and adversity that is difficult for a human to comprehend.
A very interesting thing will occur when you meet your vampire, the one who makes your heart go pitter-pat. The odds are that your new mate will be at least a century older than you are, and in the truest sense of the word, chivalry will be undead. Younger vampires are extremely vulnerable, and it takes many, many years for a man or woman to adjust to life-in-undeath. It is unlikely that any vampire under the age of 100 is someone who you will be able to make a connection with. In all likelihood, the vampire will have a much broader scope of knowledge than you have been able to accumulate during your relatively brief life. If he does not, you’d better let him go. At best, such a vampire is unable or unwilling to utilize his extended lifespan for self-improvement and the quest for knowledge. At worst, he is a fool with no passion for life. If he doesn’t possess more experience and understanding than you do, he is either hopelessly obtuse or he’s playing some sort of game, feigning ignorance to help reel you into his clutches.
For humans, overcoming behaviors that have been cultivated over decades is difficult. Our upbringing, the culture and country in which we lived, the influence of society and of our friends and families: All these things contribute to our behavior patterns, societal expectations and values, manners and mannerisms, and moral codes, and most certainly our views on relationships and gender. This is even truer for vampires.
Cultural differences may manifest themselves in little quirks held over from lifetimes in other eras. Darius, a Persian vampire acquaintance of ours who spent centuries living in Egypt after being turned, still, to this day, anoints all of his guests with oil when they visit his home; Alessio, a Tuscan vampire and close friend who was turned in the fifteenth century, lives his life like a page out of Il Galateo. Many of the Victorian vamps of our acquaintance still behave as quintessential gentlemen, down to the minutiae of good manners, such as passing on the right as they make their way down a sidewalk and sending written invitations at least a day in advance of any entertainment.
Presenting more of a challenge than quirks of custom and etiquette is the issue of gender equality. Which, for the most part throughout history, has rarely been the norm. You should consider ahead of time whether you can handle a mate whose ideal woman comes straight out of the Good Wife’s Guide of the 1950s, or a vampire who may quote Athenian dramatist Menander at you as you pursue your second doctorate (“Teaching a woman to read and write? What a terrible thing to do! Like feeding a vile snake on more poison!”). Conversely, a Neolithic vampire, a vampire that was a Brittonic tribesman, or a vampire that hails from ancient Egypt or Mesopotamia will be likely to respect gender equality, and a Spartan or Sarmatian vampire, or a vampire that hails from a matriarchal African tribe, would expect their mates to be their absolute equals, both in love and war. As Herodotus said of the Sarmatians, the women are “frequently hunting on horseback with their husbands; in war taking the field; and wearing the very same dress as the men” and further emphasizing their belief in the strength and power of women, “No girl shall wed till she has killed a man in battle.” Are you up for assisting your mate with the hunt?
However, if your vampire holds the aforementioned beliefs that women are second-class citizens, your only chances for domination or even equalization are your looks and personality. There won’t be a trick he doesn’t know, a deception he hasn’t played, or a lie he has never heard. His experiences give him a unique street-wisdom, and it takes a shrewd, quick-witted, observant mind to survive the millennia.
As shallow as it may seem, the truth is that your looks are your main trump card. You do not have to be a model; you simply have to fascinate, captivate, and seduce. All men and women are capable of this. A vampire is a sensualist by nature, and most are near-obsessed with beauty in all its myriad forms. What you actually need are ways to lower the defensive personality guards that he has put up over decades of time living among humans. He can shield himself with the knowledge that he has picked up over numerous years of survival, and he can change his behavior.
But the things he cannot change are his desires and needs, romantic, sexual, and survival. His urges still pull mightily inside him, like the tides of the oceans. They pull even stronger than in a human male because the vampire is tied so inexorably to the phases of the moon. He needs to feel the warmth of your body and the blood pulsating through your veins as your heartbeat quickens in anticipation of a tryst with him. He needs to feel himself inside you while your body grasps him like a glove of human flesh. He needs this comfort, and you have to be sure that you are the only one who is providing it.