Why a Vampire?
The nosferatu do not die like the bee when he stings once. He is only stronger; and being stronger, have yet more power to work evil.
—Abraham Van Helsing, Dracula
The old Greek term nosophoros means “plague carrier,” and vampires and assorted drinkers of blood have always been associated with carrying and spreading disease. This is hardly the most attractive premise on which to go out and find a date, mate, or even acquaintance. An odd place for us to begin, don’t you agree? But do not delude yourself. Your quest to conquer your vampire lover will not happen without prejudices and dissent from not only the mere mortals around you but other vampires and their lovers as well. What makes these denizens of darkness so appealing? What do they have to offer that seems so out of reach by any other means?
The vampiric condition has existed since the beginning of recorded history, and the mysteries of it have been mythologized by many cultures as a way of understanding the blood-drinkers among us. Vampires’ dietary habits, lifestyles, and appearances lend easily to creating anxiety among humanity’s general population. The Pishacha and Vetelas of India, the Greco-Roman Empusae and Lamia, the Babylonian Gallû—all these mythological figures were exaggerated, deliberately misleading accounts of the vampire, based on a self-perpetuating cycle of bad publicity rooted in humanity’s fear of the unknown. In traditional Western folklore, vampires have often been portrayed as reanimated corpses with tight skin from bloating and long dirty fingernails due to receding of the skin from the cuticles down, which caused the nails to appear as if their growth had continued unimpeded after death. These rotting, stinking, semi-decayed undead would never do as romantic partners. In truth, many of history’s great statesmen, religious leaders, scientists, and artists were vampires forced to mimic humanity in order to survive, though this information is the type of stuff you will never find in your school history books.
Now, in the twenty-first century, we are beginning to put aside superstitious, foolish fears and embrace vampires as our friends and lovers. The modern acceptance of the vampiric condition is owed in part, ironically, to the popularity of Bram Stoker’s 1897 novel Dracula. Though the antagonist is portrayed as a monster, and the vampires that populate the story are depicted as little more than predators, the sexuality, worldliness, and mystery of Stoker’s story led many free-thinking individuals in the late Victorian era to actively seek out vampires in society, which, as a consequence, brought us to the acceptance of vampires that we are starting to enjoy today. The vampire has been gussied up, and both his attire and appearance have become more socially acceptable.
A relationship with a vampire is not without its challenges, but it can be an incomparably fulfilling experience for a human. Where we need to start and concentrate our focus is the modern vampire, the man you are destined to seek out and spend eternity with, the man who will literally sweep you off of you feet and into a mausoleum built for two. Let us bring him up to date.
In the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, the quintessential vision of the vampire changed from that earlier, folkloric image. In literary representations, the vampire was now portrayed as romantic, cultured royalty, dapper in formal attire—a rake or vixen in the gilded guise of aristocracy—thanks to the writings of Bram Stoker, Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu, John Polidori, and Alexandre Dumas. By the twentieth century, the image of the vampire was that of a darkly beautiful, hip, sensual, and dangerous puer aeternus, his image molded by the writings of Anne Rice, Poppy Z. Brite, Charlaine Harris, and Chelsea Quinn Yarbro. Though the fantasy of a vampiric liaison was a dangerous one, the promise of never-ending romance and indescribable passion remained ubiquitous. Now, the allegorical vamp was ready for general socialization, a motion picture career, and prime-time television. The media portrayal of the vampire is brimming with unbridled, feral sexuality, romantic mystery, and the promise of undying devotion. Is it any wonder that humans feel drawn to this?
But despite the erotic allure, why date a vampire? What would motivate a person to deliberately choose, with open eyes, to face the inevitable challenges in this uniquely complex, exigent type of relationship?
Thanks to their innumerable years on earth, vampires have acquired a self-confidence and worldliness that is impossible for humans to achieve. Often, vampires also tend to have more refined tastes, and their manners are generally impeccable. Occasionally, their cultural references may be somewhat dated and their choice of words archaic, but it is a small price of inconvenience compared with the pleasure of sharing the breadth of their centuries of experience in all knowledge and pleasures:
• Vampires are almost wholly immune to illness and do not age.
• The vampire, male or female, is a fountainhead of passion. It is a literal byproduct of the condition and is biologically fueled by the engorgement of the red blood cells in the vampire’s system. The result? They have unparalleled primal sexual energy and, as a consequence of their extensive time on earth, prowess and skill unmatched in humans.
All in all, there is no substitute for the very rich, and sometimes enjoyable, experience of being a vampire’s consort.