2 - Mortality and Immortality
Pux talked about Avristar for a long time. Even though his chest tightened, he didn’t stop. The night drew on and Krishani didn’t come back. More warriors poured into the hall and the table of food became a table of scraps. Servants came by twice to check on them, but they stayed pressed against the stone wall in their corner of the hall, tucked between the small pillars of thick rock. Pux kept his head on her lap, and she ran her hands through his hair. It was comforting. He had his best friend back and wanted to be giddy, but there was nothing to be excited about. His bones ached, fur concealing dark bruises forming along his mid section. At one point he took off the armor and chainmail and threw it on the floor beside them.
Kaliel talked, and laughed at the funny parts. She didn’t say anything about Krishani and he wondered why, but snuffed those thoughts out. Pux loved her, but it wasn’t like that. He would never see her as the Amethyst Flame. He couldn’t fathom why Elwen looked at her like she was Lady Atara. It didn’t seem right. She didn’t exude greatness. Pux reveled more in the subtleties of her nature. Her infectious laugh, her gentle caresses. Her voice wasn’t the same but it was soothing. She talked about trees, tripping on roots, losing the games. She avoided talking about Fire Festivals or waterfalls, or anything that might lead them to the chaos around them.
Pux never wanted to see a battlefield again. His time of death and killing was behind him. He hadn’t done much in this battle. The way Handele, the leader of the Avristarian army, fought was different. Pux always had another warrior on either side of him. They were taller so he found himself crouching and stabbing for torsos or thighs. The others went for the heads. He stifled a sigh. He was tired and it didn’t look like anything was going to end soon. People were still talking, laughing, and drinking. He wanted to be merry like them but the more he listened to Kaliel’s stories, the more he thought of Avristar. He missed the island.
Pux closed his eyes. At least Krishani had seen her first. He didn’t want to take that away. There were so many things he wanted to tell Kaliel but he didn’t know how she would react. Krishani was so different the last time they spoke. Losing her was the one thing he couldn’t deal with.
Pux glanced at the door for the umpteenth time, looking for the Ferryman. He curled himself into a ball, his knees against his chest. He heard enough of Elwen’s ramblings to know what Krishani was doing out there.
The battle ended for everyone else, but it was just beginning for Krishani.
Pux didn’t want to tell Kaliel what Krishani was like after the mountain exploded. He didn’t want to talk about being the last person to see her, or what Mallorn said about Krishani being exiled.
Pux glanced up again. Mallorn. How would he tell Kaliel Mallorn was dead? He saw it out of the corner of his eye, and wasn’t fast enough to help him. Pux grimaced, Mallorn wasn’t known for being warm. Even when the Horsemen had sliced open his back, Mallorn showed no compassion. The moment he was out of the feverish sleep Mallorn suggested Pux work with the villagers instead of hiding. Pux alternated between the stables and the barn. He didn’t mind it, even though it was laborious and the villagers didn’t like games.
“What are you thinking about Pux?” Kaliel asked. Her voice sounded distant. She yawned and stretched her arms above her head. He sat and leaned against the stone beside her. She glanced at him and the resemblance was striking. She had an oval face and pale white skin. Her hair was a mass of long black curls that trickled to her waist. Her eyes shifted, more of a forest green than bright emerald green. Her lips were pale pink, chapped. She pressed them together and drew her eyebrows taut when his gaze hovered on them. He looked at her hands and tried to ignore her scrutinizing gaze. It was so hard to take in.
The first and last time he met Aulises she was cursing about her family, and fighting with one of the guards for a sword. She didn’t even want armor, she just wanted to go out there and stab things. That girl wasn’t anything like Kaliel, that girl was trying to get herself killed. And now that girl was dead, and Kaliel was in her place.
“You stopped talking,” Kaliel said.
“It’s just so hard to believe,” he muttered. “I mean you’re here, it’s really you.”
“And you’re really you.” She laughed, a smile stuck to her lips but there was something melancholy behind it. He glanced at the people milling about the hall and waited. She pressed her hands between her thighs. He pulled his knees up halfway and rested his hands on them. They sat in silence for a long time. There was a lot more to talk about, but it wasn’t time, not yet, not with everything in disarray.
Pux tensed as Grimand, clad in a gray cloak, strode through the hall, his head moving back and forth like an animal looking for a bone. Pux ducked his head to his knees to avoid being seen when Grimand stalked the floor towards him.
“Pux,” Grimand said, nearing the table of food. He glanced at it briefly, reaching for a piece of bread, but dismissed it. “Where have you been?”
“Here, all night,” Pux answered. It was true, he hadn’t moved.
Grimand nodded. “Good then. You didn’t fight did you?”
“Handele said I could.” His voice squeaked on the words. He glanced at Kaliel, but she was nodding off, her eyelids drooping closed, slack hands falling to her sides.
Grimand took a long breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. His face was hairier than Pux’s. Gray hairs grew amidst the bristles of brown and reddish hazel. “Everyone is leaving by dawn. I’ll be traveling back to Avristar with the wounded and able-bodied warriors.”
“Avristar,” Kaliel said, as though she had been listening the whole time.
Pux glanced at her and Grimand noticed her for the first time. He furrowed his brow like he didn’t know who she was, but when she opened her eyes they were full of traces of amethyst. “How did she get here?” Grimand asked, stunned.
Pux knew what he was thinking. They were only children, they didn’t know what they were doing. He fidgeted with the hem of his breeches. “I don’t know how it happened … but it’s Kaliel.”
Grimand flinched. He muttered something incomprehensible and shifted his weight, thumping his heavy wolf feet on the floor. “You need to get back to your lessons, Pux.”
Pux felt small. In the midst of everything happening he forgot about the Great Oak’s words. He wasn’t meant for greatness. He was supposed to be an eternal student. Learning and relearning lessons. For the first time in a long time hot anger streaked through him as he gritted his teeth. “I think I’m learning a lot of things here.”
Grimand scoffed. “If you want I can ask Lady Atara to give you a bore to look after in Evennses. Would that help?” His tone was chiding, but his stern face was full of resolve. “You’ll leave with us in the morning.”
“Is everyone going home then?” Kaliel asked, her voice full of concern.
“Not everyone. Handele is taking the elvens and gargoyles back to Arathia for training.”
“What about me and Krishani? Are we going with you?” Kaliel asked. Pux would recognize that tone anywhere. She sounded the same way she did before sobbing, distraught. She didn’t know what to think. He glanced past Grimand at the door but there was no sign of Krishani. If anyone could comfort her it was him. Grimand turned expressionless. An awkward silence hung between them until Kaliel pushed herself to her feet and crossed her arms, glowering at him.
“Krishani’s rightful place is Terra,” Grimand said.
“Oh.” Kaliel dropped her gaze.
“I’m sure Elwen will allow you to stay,” Grimand continued.
“I thought since you were going to Avristar … I could go back to my lessons,” she muttered, shifting uncomfortably foot-to-foot.
Grimand took a deep breath. “You don’t have lessons. At least not on Avristar.”
Pux couldn’t take it anymore. He crossed his arms and gritted his teeth. “I’m not going.”
Grimand turned his attention back to his apprentice. “That’s not really your choice.”
Pux shrugged. “I want to stay with Kaliel. Elwen already told me I don’t have to leave.”
Grimand shook his head, exhausted, and glanced at the table of food. “The humans are greedy. This is your last opportunity to come home. After that I doubt Lord Istar will send me to bring you back. You’ll be here until you live out your mortal life.”
Pux recoiled like he had been slapped. “Mortal life? What do you mean?” He glanced at Kaliel who looked sick to her stomach.
“Feorns live about fifty mortal years, and they die, like everyone else. Be happy, humans only live thirty five years.”
“Elwen,” Pux stuttered, unable to hide the shock in his voice.
“Elwen has immortality.” He glanced at the crowds of people. “A form of it at least. He isn’t what I’m talking about.”
Pux felt lost. Nobody ever talked about dying on Avristar, it was something so rare it was unthinkable. The only time he ever saw death on Avristar was when the creatures came, and when he followed Krishani to Terra. He shuddered at the thought of the desecrated village. All he dreamed about since returning to Elwen’s compound was Avristar. He thought he could stifle the pain of losing Kaliel and eventually be numb. He’d live forever and make her proud. Instead, the girl he thought was gone forever stood beside him looking frail, confused and distrait. He couldn’t leave, not if she wasn’t coming with him.
Kaliel’s forest green eyes bore into his brown ones and he flinched. “Maybe you should go home.”
Pux shook his head furiously. “I think I need to stay.” Death, greedy humans, magic he couldn’t do anymore—it throbbed in the back of his mind, but he’d do anything for Kaliel.
Grimand let out an exhausted sigh. “Fine. Stay. I won’t ask again.” He turned and thumped across the floor, disappearing into the crowd.
The moment he was gone Pux slid on the floor. Kaliel caught him by the arm but she went down with him, pressing her head into his shoulder. “You have until morning to decide,” she whispered in his ear.
He put his fingers on her hand and shook his head. “You need me here.”
Kaliel wheezed, her chest rattling as she inhaled and pulled away. “I have Krishani.”
Pux didn’t say anything. He watched people talking and laughing, moving in and out of the hall. Kaliel had no idea how far Krishani had gone. After everything that had happened, Pux wasn’t sure if anything could be fixed.
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