“NOW LET ME see if I’ve got this right,” I said carefully. “You’re saying they probably won’t hire me on the basis of my abilities?”
I couldn’t believe I’d interpreted Aahz’s lecture correctly, but he beamed enthusiastically.
“That’s right, kid,” he approved. “Now you’ve got it.”
“No, I don’t,” I insisted. “That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard!”
Aahz groaned and hid his face in his hand.
It had been like this ever since we left the inn, and three days of a demon groaning is a bit much for anyone to take.
“I’m sorry, Aahz,” I said testily. “But I don’t believe it. I’ve taken a lot of things you’ve told me on faith, but this ... this goes against common sense.”
“What does common sense have to do with it?” he exploded. “We’re talking about a job interview!”
At this outburst, Buttercup snorted and tossed his head, making it necessary for us to duck out of range of his horn.
“Steady, Buttercup!” I admonished soothingly.
Though he still rolled his eyes, the unicorn resumed his stoic plodding, the travois loaded with our equipment dragging along behind him still intact. Despite incidents such as had occurred back at the inn, Buttercup and I got along fairly well, and he usually obeyed me. In contrast, he and Aahz never really hit it off, especially when the latter chose to raise his voice angrily.
“All it takes is a little gentleness,” I informed Aahz smugly. “You should try it sometime.”
“While you’re showing off your dubious rapport with animals,” Aahz retorted, “you might call your dragon back. All we need is to have him stirring up the countryside.”
I cast a quick glance about. He was right. Gleep had disappeared ... again.
“Gleep!” I called. “Come here, fella!”
“Gleep!” came an answering cry.
The bushes off to our left parted and the dragon’s head emerged.
“Gleep?” he said cocking his head.
“Come here!” I repeated.
My pet needed no more encouragement. He bounded into the open and trotted to my side.
“I still say we should have left that stupid dragon back at the inn,” Aahz grumbled.
I ignored him, checking to be sure the gear, hung saddle-bag fashion over the dragon’s back, was still secure. Personally, I felt we were carrying far too much in the way of personal belongings but Aahz had insisted. Gleep tried to nuzzle me affectionately with his head, and I caught a whiff of his breath. For a moment, I wondered if Aahz had been right about leaving the dragon behind.
“What were you saying about job interviews?” I asked, both to change the subject and to hide the fact I was gagging.
“I know it sounds ridiculous, kid,” Aahz began with sudden sincerity, “and it is, but a lot of things are ridiculous, particularly in this dimension. That doesn’t mean we don’t have to deal with them.”
That gave me pause to think. To a lot of people, having a demon and a dragon for traveling companions would seem ridiculous. As a matter of fact, if I took time to think it through, it seemed pretty ridiculous to me.
“Okay, Aahz,” I said finally. “I can accept the existence of ridiculousness as reality. Now try explaining the court magician thing to me again.”
We resumed walking as Aahz organized his thoughts. For a change, Gleep trailed placidly along beside Buttercup instead of taking off on another of his exploratory side trips.
“See if this makes any sense,” Aahz said finally. “Court magicians don’t do much ... magically, at least. They’re primarily kept around for show, as a status symbol to demonstrate a court is advanced enough to rate a magician. It’s a rare occasion when they’re called upon to do anything. If you were a jester, they’d work your tail off, but not as a magician. Remember, most people are skittish about magik, and use it as seldom as possible.”
“If that’s the case,” I said confidently, “I’m qualified. I’ll match my ability to do nothing against any magician on Klah.”
“No argument there,” Aahz observed drily. “But it’s not quite that easy. To hold the job takes next to no effort at all. Getting the job can be an uphill struggle.”
“Oh!” I said, surprised.
“Now to get the job, you’ll have to impress the king and probably his advisors,” Aahz continued. “You’ll have to impress them with you, not with your abilities.”
“How’s that again?” I frowned.
“Look, kid. Like I said, a court magician is window-dressing, a showpiece. They’ll be looking for someone they want to have hanging around their court, someone who is impressive whether or not he ever does anything. You’ll have to exude confidence. Most important, you’ll have to look like a magician ... or at least, what they think a magician looks like. If you can dress like a magician, talk like a magician, and act like a magician, maybe no one will notice you don’t have the abilities of a magician.”
“Thanks, Aahz,” I grimaced. “You’ll really doing wonders toward building my confidence.”
“Now don’t sulk,” Aahz admonished. “You know how to levitate reasonably large objects, you can fly after a fashion, and you’ve got the disguise spell down pat. You’re doing pretty well for a rank novice, but don’t kid yourself into believing you’re anywhere near full magician status.”
He was right, of course, but I was loathe to admit it.
“If I’m such a bumbling incompetent,” I said stiffly, “why are we on our way to establish me as a court magician?”
Aahz bared his teeth at me in irritation.
“You aren’t listening, kid,” he snarled. “Holding the job once you’ve got it will be a breeze. You can handle that now. The tricky part will be getting you hired. Fortunately, with a few minor modifications and a little coaching, I think we can get you ready for polite society.”
“Modifications such as what?” I asked, curious despite myself.
Aahz made a big show of surveying me from head to foot.
“For a start,” he said, “there’s the way you dress.”
“What’s wrong with the way I dress?” I countered defensively.
“Nothing at all,” he replied innocently. “That is, if you want people to see you as a bumpkin peasant with dung on his boots. Of course, if you want to be a court magician, well that’s another story. No respectable magician would be caught dead in an outfit like that.”
“But, I am a respectable magician!” I argued.
“Really? Respected by who?”
He had me there, so I lapsed into silence.
“That’s specifically the reason I had the foresight to bring along a few items from the inn,” Aahz continued, indicating Buttercup’s burdens with a grand sweep of his hand.
“And here I thought you were just looting the place,” I said drily.
“Watch your mouth, kid,” he warned. “This is all for your benefit.”
“Really? You aren’t expecting anything at all out of this deal?”
My sarcasm, as usual, was lost on him.
“Oh, I’ll be around,” he acknowledged. “Don’t worry about that. Publicly, I’ll be your apprentice.”
“My apprentice?”
This job was suddenly sounding much better.
“Publicly!” Aahz repeated hastily. “Privately, you’ll continue your lessons as normal. Remember that before you start getting frisky with your ‘apprentice.’”
“Of course, Aahz,” I assured him. “Now, what was it you were saying about changing the way I dress?”
He shot me a sidelong glance, apparently suspicious of my sudden enthusiasm.
“ ... Not that there’s anything wrong with me the way I am,” I added with a theatrical scowl.
That seemed to ease his doubts.
“Everything’s wrong with the way you dress,” he growled.” ... We’re lucky those two Imps left most of their wardrobe behind when we sent ‘em packing along with Isstvan.”
“Higgens and Brockhurst?”
“Yea, those two,” Aahz grinned evilly at the memory. “I’ll say one thing for Imps. They may be inferior to Deveels as merchants, but they are snappy dressers.”
“I find it hard to believe that all that stuff you bundled along is wardrobe,” I observed skeptically.
“Of course it isn’t,” my mentor moaned. “It’s special effects gear.”
“Special effects?”
“Don’t you remember anything, kid?” Aahz scowled. “I told you all this when we first met. However easy magik is, you can’t let it look easy. You need a few hand props, a line of patter ... you know, like Garkin had.”
Garkin’s hut, where I had first been introduced to magik, had been full of candles, vials of strange powers, dusty books ... now there was a magician’s lair! Of course, I had since discovered that most of what he had was unnecessary for the actual working of magik itself.
I was beginning to see what Aahz meant when he said I’d have to learn to put on a show.
“We’ve got a lot of stuff we can work into your presentation,” Aahz continued. “Isstvan left a lot of his junk behind when he left. Oh, and you might find some familiar items when we unload. I think the Imps helped themselves to some of Garkin’s equipment and brought it back to the inn with them.”
“Really?” I said, genuinely interested. “Did they get Garkin’s brazier? You remember, you used it to drink wine out of when you first arrived.”
“That’s right! Yeah, I think I saw it in there. Why?”
“No special reason,” I replied innocently. “It was always a favorite of mine, that’s all.”
From watching Garkin back in my early apprentice days, I knew there were secrets to that brazier I was dying to learn. I also knew that, if possible, I wanted to save it as a surprise for Aahz.
“We’re going to have to do something about your physical appearance, too,” Aahz continued thoughtfully.
“What’s ...”
“You’re too young!” he answered, anticipating my question. “Nobody hires a young magician. They want one who’s been around for a while. If we ...”
He broke off suddenly and craned his neck to look around.
“Kid;’ he said carefully, studying the sky. ‘‘Your dragon’s gone again.”
I did a fast scan. He was right.
“Gleep!” I called. “Here, fella!”
The dragon’s head appeared from the depths of a bush behind us. There was something slimy with legs dangling from his mouth, but before I could manage an exact identification, my pet swallowed and the whatzit disappeared.
“Gleep!” he said proudly, licking his lips with his long, forked tongue.
“Stupid dragon,” Aahz muttered darkly.
“He’s cheap to feed,” I countered, playing on Aahz’s tightfisted nature.
As we waited for the dragon to catch up, I had time to reflect that, for once, I felt no moral or ethical qualms about taking part in one of Aahz’s schemes. Even if the unsuspecting Rodrick the Fifth was taken in by our charade and hired us, I was confident the king would be getting more than he bargained for.