10
Boy God
The boy god or possible delusion was still sitting patiently beside Nikki when she woke up hours later. She was fairly sure she hadbeen arrested, which meant Gregory was dead, so she’d probably been to his bloody apartment, so it was possible she’d found the katana at the train station. After that, it was a bobsled ride downward into either madness or divine possession. She still hadn’t decided which.
“You don’t sleep?” she asked to fill the silence.
“Sometimes. Although it’s not as you would call sleep. I lose focus on your world. It is how the gaijin could wreak havoc on my temple.”
She stretched, aching, having slept on the stone floor in slightly damp clothes. She didn’t even have a change of clothing. At least with the money she—Atsumori—they had stolen off Harada, she could buy more clothes. She was at a loss as to what . . .
. . . she was standing on a street corner in the rain, waiting for the light to change. Her backpack and the fabric-encased katana were slung on her right shoulder.
“Stop doing that!” Nikki cried, startling an old woman standing beside her.
Embarrassed, Nikki turned around and went into the FamilyMart on the corner. She made it a point to never have less than two notebooks and a full dozen pens. She kept to black ink only; her hypergraphia needed black. The other colors had been to soothe her writer’s heart. At the moment her writer’s heart was crying in the corner and had no interest in pens except as a medical device.
Clicking one of the ballpoints nervously, she moved on to her other drug—junk food. She got four salmon rice balls, a box of Meiji chocolate-covered almonds, a slice of chiffon cake, a bag of pepper-flavored potato chips, a sandwich that looked like it might be egg salad, and two bottles of Coke. After considering the state of her life, she added a coin purse, panty liners, two pairs of socks, six packs of tissues, and a folding umbrella. She caught glimpses of Atsumori moving through the aisles like a dark thundercloud, horribly out of place in the bright, squeaky-clean convenience store. Otherwise, he was invisible to her and obviously everyone else. She was considering alcohol when she sensed him close beside her.
“Don’t just take me places without asking,” she whispered. “I really, really hate that. If you keep doing that—I’ll—I’ll –” She clicked her pen. She hated that her options were so limited. But she couldn’t stand being used that way. It reminded her of being locked up in the sanitarium by her mother. Threatened with drugs and straightjackets if she wasn’t compliant and “good.” “I won’t be used like that.”
“I’m sorry. I did not consider that it would bother you now that you know the cause.”
“It does.” She picked a mini bottle of plum wine off the shelf and stomped to the cashier to pay for everything. It bothered her even more that there was no way to really stop him. He probably could keep hold of her as long as he wanted. Hours. Days. Weeks. “Just tell me where you want to go.”
“Eh?” the cashier asked, wide-eyed.
“Kyoto desu?” She asked the first “where” question that came to mind. “Is this Kyoto?” pushed the limit of her Japanese.
“Hai!”
So they were still in Kyoto; Atsumori hadn’t taken her out of the city. Yet. She had things she wanted to do before she let Atsumori drag her all over Japan. The first was finding a bathroom. “Toire wa doko desuka?”
“Toire.” The cashier considered and then pointed across the street. “Subway station.”
She glanced to where he was pointing and saw the steps leading down into a subway station and probably a public restroom. “Arigato!”
Her panty liners were given special treatment. They were discreetly packed into a separate the brown paper bag that the Japanese only used for feminine products so that the package nearly screamed “cooties.”
Outside she said to Atsumori, “I’m going to the bathroom.” Hopefully alone but she doubted it. “And then have something to eat and then I’ll go wherever you want.”
Nikki found a pay phone at Kyoto Station and fed it hundredyen coins, praying that she wouldn’t have to deal with a Japanese-speaking operator. She wrote out some stock phrases in case the person who answered the phone didn’t speak English.
After three rings, the other end picked up with a meek “Moshi moshi.”
“Pixii, desu?” Nikki read off her cheat sheet. “Is Pixii” was the closest she could figure out to “Is Pixii there?”
A very Japanese “eh?” of surprised confusion was the only reply.
She tried to calmly repeat the question. Slower. “Pixii, desu?”
“Hai?” The other person sounded like they were in grade school. “Donata desu ka?”
Nikki wasn’t sure, but she thought the person had asked “Who’s calling?”
The one and only time she actually met Pixii was at an East Coast anime convention four years ago. Nikki had been traveling with a pack of teenage girls and somehow ended up responsible for cleaning up after all the naive stupidity that implied. Pixii had been dressed up as a magical girl from some anime that Nikki didn’t recognize. The only thing Nikki remembered clearly from the meeting was that Pixii could beat the snot out of any man who thought scantily clad girls doing cosplay were sluts, and then administer first aid to the wounds she inflicted.
Was this really Pixii?
Well, Nikki wasn’t going to get anywhere if they kept to Japanese.
“This is ThirdEye,” Nikki identified herself reluctantly.
“Third! Oh my God, are you okay? Where are you? What happened? SexyNinja has been going nuts! She says she tried calling you all last night and you never called her back!”
Nikki breathed out relief. Yes, she remembered now. Talking to Pixii was like having a conversation with a five-year-old on a sugar rush. Her voice was naturally little-girl cute, she was shorter than Nikki’s five foot three, and, much to Pixii’s disgust, she didn’t need a bra. She looked and sounded like she was twelve years old, but in truth she was thirty, a veteran combat medic, and had a doctorate in arts and archeology.
“I’m fine,” Nikki said. “I lost my cell phone yesterday. I need a place to crash. Can you put me up for a while?”
“Yeah! Team Banzai: go! It will be great.” And then the brain caught up to the mouth. “Um, so, what happened? Why did you disappear? We expected you to post last night.”
Nikki winced. This was so much more than just an overbearing mother. Of all her friends, Pixii was the one who could cope best with Nikki being either dangerously insane or merely possessed. “Things got crazy. I have some things I have to do, then I’m heading to your place.”
“Oh! Do you need the directions again? My place is kind of impossible to find.”
Which was one of the other reasons Nikki had chosen Pixii to crash with. “I’ve got them memorized. I’ll call you again when I get to Nara.”
“Great! Just keep your eye out for the little shrine alongside the road. The driveway back to the house can be tricky to spot. You might have to stop at the shrine and . . . oh shit, I need to go check the kiln!” And Pixii abruptly hung up.
Atsumori wanted to go to the Fushimi Inari Shrine. Luckily Nikki had planned a trip to visit it and knew that there was a train that stopped right in front of the shrine, otherwise Atsumori would have had her walk several miles in the rain. With his help reading signs, they found their way through the multiple train systems of Kyoto to the JR Nara line.
“Why are we going there?” she asked as they settled on the train.
We. She laughed bitterly. To a causal observer, she was completely alone.
“Misa’s death has desecrated my shintai. Until it’s purified, I’m greatly limited to what I can do. We are going to the shrine to have my katana blessed.”
“Katana” and “death” made her remember the scene she had written the night before. “Did I—you—we actually clean your blade?” Somehow that sounded slightly pornographic.
“Of course.”
“And this blessing—it will—deal with—killing Harada too?”
“He was a tanuki. He was yokai.”
“And that means?”
“Yokai are not humans. They are not animals. They are spirits. They do not exist as you understand life.”
“Harada bled all over the place.”
“That was not his real body. He could take the shape of a small girl or a dog or even a teapot.”
“Teapot?”
“In that case, instead of blood, he would have spilled tea.”
Click. Click. Click.
“Who was that man?” Atsumori murmured in her ear.
Nikki looked around the train car, but she was alone, not even Atsumori in sight. She could feel him, though, as if he was sitting beside her. “What man?”
“Last night on the train, you wrote about a man searching your home.”
Nikki sighed. Thanks to a childhood spent in psychiatric treatment, she knew all the symptoms of schizophrenia and had always been secretly proud that she showed no signs of the disorder. She was now exhibiting almost all of them—if Atsumori wasn’t actually sitting beside her, invisible to everyone. Then again, schizophrenics usually had self-referential delusions. The logic looped neatly around so it was nearly impossible to prove that their belief was false.
She couldn’t help but see her current situation as classic symptoms. If tanuki could take on any appearance, then everything that happened at her apartment made sense. She had opened the door to a magical creature that only looked like Detective Tanaka. It knew –somehow—that she would cooperate with the police. The tanuki shifted its appearance again as it attacked her to that of an animal wearing a business suit. Why, she didn’t know. Obviously changing into a teapot wouldn’t have been helpful.
If Gregory Winston, Misa, and Harada were all real people—or at least things that passed as people—then Scary Cat Dude was a real person, too.
“I don’t know who he is. I’ve only written one other scene with him. He seems to be working with a powerful organization, like maybe the government or underworld.”
“Underworld? With demons?”
“With criminals.” She frowned as “demons” rolled around in her mind. Her hypergraphia liked the idea that Scary Cat Dude was linked to something otherworldly. Normally she would embrace such a notion, but then, normally, every thing in her books stayed fiction. The burned down shrine and the dead bodies were inescapable truth.
“He was at the shrine?” Atsumori asked.
“Yes.” She flipped back through her notebook. She hadn’t had a chance to type in the scene. “That was his first scene.” She read over the pages, aware that Atsumori seemed to be scanning them with her. Did Japanese gods read English? She supposed it wouldn’t be very godlike if they couldn’t.
Atsumori thought aloud with a deep “Hmm.”
Nikki really wished that if she could hear him, she could also see him. “What?”
“The tanuki, it killed the gaijin?”
“Yes, Harada killed . . .” She was now confusing her character name with the real man. Which was which? Not a good sign. “. . .him. In my story, the gaijin worked for an American insurance company.” Was it true for the real man, too? She hated the idea of assuming what she wrote as fiction to be the whole truth. The fiction, though, explained why a businessman would suddenly become a criminal overnight. The real man kept rope in his bedroom dresser. “He had some kinks that would be illegal in the United States. He liked the image clubs in Dontonbori.”
An image club had a variety of fantasy settings, and their prostitutes would dress up in costumes. As long as full penetration didn’t take place, it was perfectly legal. He liked his women as young as possible, in a school uniform, either in a subway car or a classroom. “He kept pushing the limits of the law until he found a yakuza-run image club that let him go beyond them.”
The club, had brought him into the orbit of Harada and various other characters in her book. They gave him a twelve-year-old Chinese girl and enough rope to hang himself with.
“They took videos of him with a child. It would have gotten him arrested here in Japan, but in United States, he would have been labeled as a monster for the rest of his life.”
“So it was these yakuza that sent him to my shrine?” Atsumori asked.
She nodded. “They told him to get a camera and pretend to be a tourist. To walk around and take pictures. He could go where no Japanese could. Where no Japanese would. He didn’t believe in kami; he wasn’t afraid of their wrath. They talked as if he would be safe from the kami.”
“Humans like him are rare. If Misa had not taken my shintai off the shrine grounds, I would have only been able to protect her indirectly. I couldn’t stop him. Not before he killed her. Nor afterwards. He was like scrabbling against polished stone.”
“Harada had heard of the fire at the shrine and guessed that Gregory had set it. He went to Gregory’s place disguised and, once inside the apartment, demanded the sword.” The scene had confused her, as Gregory had started out treating Harada as an old friend that he was trying to brush off and then realized that he was talking to the tanuki. Until Harada broke the blender’s glass pitcher against Gregory’s head, the scene had been all dialogue and no description. Then everything had been Gregory—his pain, his screams, his blood. There hadn’t been anything about his killer. She hadn’t even been sure that Harada was a “he.” It was as if she knew describing him would be useless, that she knew that he could utterly change his appearance.
Self-referential delusions, she reminded herself. She clicked her ballpoint.
The great entrance of the Inari Shrine was within a stone’s throw of the tiny train station. As Nikki walked under the towering gate, Atsumori appeared beside her. It was weirdly comforting to be able to see him. In the timeless entrance plaza, he looked proper for the setting despite the sober kimono and topknot.
The shrine was the biggest she had ever seen. There were dozens of buildings within sight, gilded and brightly painted. A large bronze statue of a fox sat beside stairs leading up to the main temple, a red bib tied about its neck. It seemed to frown down at her, a large granary key in its mouth. Originally the god of rice, Inari had moved into the modern day by becoming the god of success and prosperity in business. The lavish temple was proof of the Japanese’s belief in the god. There had been two Inari shrines within walking distance of Nikki’s apartment in Otemae. She had toured them with curiosity but without reverence. She didn’t believe in her mothers’ one god; her childhood had been too unjust for there to be a benevolent protecting spirit. She certainly hadn’t believed in the complex Japanese mythology. Why a mischievous fox as the god of business? It seemed at once charming, childlike, and completely random.
If the kami Atsumori was real, and evidence was amounting that she wasn’t completely delusional, what of Inari?
“Please, pray.” Atsumori motioned to the front of the main shrine building. There were nearly a score of sturdy ropes leading up to bells hung overhead. Obviously he meant for her to pray like the Japanese did.
She fished out her coin purse and peered into it. How much should she offer? Normally people offered five-and ten-yen coins—basically the equivalent of nickel and dimes. She’d used up all her small coins making the phone call to Pixii. She only had one-yen and five-hundred-yen coins. Dropping four pennies into the offering box seemed insulting, but tossing five dollars in seemed too extravagant, but if there was a slim chance that Inari was going to answer her prayer, she wanted to be on his good side. She read once that the offering boxes were constructed so that the noise of coins falling would be loud, drawing the god’s attention. Thinking of how Atsumori had slept through Misa’s death, she dropped a five-hundred-yen coin into the box, shook the rope forcefully to ring the bell loudly, and then clapped her hands as hard as she could.
“Please help us purify Atsumori’s shintai.” She bowed.
Atsumori bowed along side her.
After a minute of silence, she asked. “Now what?”
“Five hundred yen for a purification?”
She jerked around, yelping in surprise.
A handsome Japanese boy grinned down at her. His hair was cut and styled into wild spikes, and he wore a high school uniform with disheveled grace. “Five hundred yen not nearly enough.”
“How much is it?”
“What do you have?” He had her backpack off her shoulder and unzipped before she even realized he was reaching for it.
“Give that back!”
He pushed the paper bag containing the panty liners into her outstretched hands. “Don’t need that. Hmm, this is interesting.”
He was pulling her computer out of her backpack.
“No!” She dropped the panty liners and jerked her computer out of his hands. Hugging it to her chest, she backed away from it. “This isn’t for trade, baka.” It was one of the few Japanese insults that she knew. “We have yen. We can pay for it. Just tell us how much.”
“What’s the fun of that?” He strolled away, still rooting through her backpack.
“Hey!” She snatched up her panty liners and chased after him. “That is mine.”
“That’s up for debate.” He waved one of two rice balls she had saved for her lunch in the air before biting into it.
“It is not! That is my backpack, my belongings, my lunch!”
“Yet you come begging for a purification.”
“I was not begging.”
“Yes, we were,” Atsumori murmured.
Nikki glared at him.
“I asked you to pray to Inari for help,” Atsumori said. “Prayer is to ask earnestly for help from one greater than yourself. That is begging.”
“I don’t want to argue semantics right now,” Nikki whispered to Atsumori. “Can we have this discussion at some other time?”
“No, we’re having it now,” the boy mumbled around the remains of her rice ball. “You should always understand the nature of the relationship that you’re entering into before you commit to it.”
“Give me back my backpack, and then we’ll have this conversation.”
He stole the second rice ball and the mini bottle of wine out of her backpack and then tossed it to her. “Number one: humans are like rocks.”
“What?” Nikki carefully tucked her computer back into place and zipped her backpack shut.
“I’m defining the nature of the relationship.” The boy beckoned, continuing up the staircase out of the grand square. “Humans can be porous as sand or solid as granite.”
“You mean in terms of a kami affecting them?”
“Exactly. Number two: kami are like water. They flow. How well they can flow into a human depends on how porous the human is.”
“What does this have to do with purifying the katana?”
The boy laughed and twisted the lid off the wine. “Everything.” He took a swig. “Or nothing. That is what you need to decide.”
The stairs led up and up through countless bright red torii spaced less a foot apart. It was one thing to know from the guidebooks that they numbered over ten thousand, but it was another thing to see them marching up the mountainside, seemingly without end. It felt like some odd twist to reality.
“I don’t understand,” Nikki said.
“Number one: humans are like rocks.”
“You said that.”
“It bears repeating until you understand it. Most humans are somewhat porous, but they’re not easy for a kami to flow into. Most humans need to perform rituals to open themselves up for a kami to enter. Some humans are solid as granite; not even Susanoo can push his way into them. A handful of humans are like sand.”
Atsumori had taken her over without a ritual.
“I’m like sand?” Nikki said.
“Are you?” The boy smiled innocently.
Nikki considered the boy. Who was he? What was he? Could he see and hear Atsumori—or had he merely reacted to her side of the conversation? “I don’t know.”
The boy took another swig of wine. “I would think that would be a very dangerous thing not to know about oneself.”
“How is it dangerous?
“Number two: kami are like water.” He laughed at the look of disgust she gave him, and then he sobered. “Have you ever seen what water can do to rocks?”
They had been steadily climbing the gentle wooded slope of the mountain flanking Kyoto. The path weaved back and forth through the trees, nearly continuously flanked by the red-painted torii. It had rained that morning, and the water dripped from the leaves.
They were suddenly overrun by a dozen high school student girls in tan skirts and blazers coming down the mountain. The girls went by silent and shy as a herd of deer. Atsumori and the boy had stepped off the path, so there was no way to judge if the girls had seen either one.
Was their guide a kami pretending to be a high school student? Or was he a human possessed by a god? Or just a kid messing with Nikki’s head? The only godlike thing about the boy was that he spoke English as fluently as Atsumori.
Of course, that all looped back to the possibility that she might be alone, wondering around lost. Certainly she had no idea where they were headed except “up.”
“Where are we going?” Nikki asked.
The boy drifted out into the middle of path, walking backwards as he spoke. “A shrine maiden will have to do the purification. After it is done, your angry friend will be free to wreak his revenge, whether you want to join in or not.”
“Revenge?” Nikki turned to look at Atsumori.
“I will not force you,” Atsumori said quietly. “The gaijin was merely a tool that could be safely used. If we do not deal with the yakuza . . .”
“No.” Nikki stopped walking.
“ . . . they will be free to use someone else to take my shintai.”
She unslung the katana from her shoulder.
Atsumori’s eyes went wide. “Please, I beg you, do not abandon me.”
Their guide took three quick steps back, distancing himself from her. “No, I can not take it.”
Nikki considered just laying the sword down and trying to walk away. Would Atsumori let her? Could she actually do it? He’d been trapped with the locker at the crowded train station, hundreds of thousands of people walking past him and not one able to help him. Here he would be stuck on the path until someone came: a high school student, a priest, or a random businessman. He would be at their mercy. Knowing the lawfulness of the Japanese, the sword would be taken to the local police station.
“Nikki, please, for a thousand years, my family has guarded my shintai. Those men sent a gaijin to kill my beloved child and burn down my home. They sent a tanuki to kill you and take me back. We cannot just ignore them and hope they leave us both alone.”
She glanced to their guide, who took another step back.
It would be like walking away from a man without legs as he pleaded with her for help. How far could Atsumori follow her, begging her to come back? All the way down the mountain to the shrine’s gate?
Meanwhile, the police would recognize the katana as the one stolen from Misa and probably dust it for prints and check for blood. They’d find Harada’s blood and Nikki’s fingerprints. Thanks to Gregory’s murder, her prints were in the Japanese database.
The sword was real. Atsumori might be nothing more than her own madness. Leaving the sword would not distance herself from her own insanity.
“Fine.” She shouldered the katana again. “But you will not use me to kill the yakuza.”
Atsumori studied the ground for a moment, his jaw set. “I will not force you.”
Somehow they had circled back to the first courtyard of the shrine. A heavy downpour started, clearing the plaza as people darted for cover. Most gathered in the little gift shop along the left wall of the square. Their guide dashed to the kaguraden. Nikki followed, annoyed that they had walked up and down the mountain for no reason—unless the reason was just to give her time to understand how completely screwed she was.
The open stage of the kaguraden was worn bare by hundreds of years of use. The sliding doors of the back wall had been painted with a mural nearly worn off. Only the suggestion of green treetops or mountain ranges remained. Shrine maidens in brilliant red trousers and crisp white short kimono tops had gathered along with musicians in kimonos. They went still in surprise as Nikki came up the stairs, dripping wet.
The oldest of the shrine maidens padded up to Nikki. “You wait.” She pointed across the square to the gift shop crowded with tourists.
“Sumimasen,” Nikki bowed and apologized.
“Akane, she is my honored guest,” the boy said in English.
The woman gasped slightly, her hand going to her mouth. She whispered something in Japanese.
It triggered an oddly stilted conversation.
“She has a sword that needs to be purified,” the boy continued in English. “Burn what she is wearing.”
“What?” Nikki cried.
The woman asked a question.
“You smell of blood,” the boy said. “You will need to be purified as well as the sword.”
“I’m a size eight. Do you know how hard it is to find jeans in Japan for me? Girls are like little twigs here!”
“You can wear a yukata.”
Nikki squeaked in protest. “I—I—I stand out enough.”
The woman asked another question in Japanese.
“You’re a blonde-hair, blue-eyed female, and traveling alone,” the boy said. “You couldn’t stand out any more than if you wore a monkey suit. A yukata won’t make a difference.”
Nikki noticed that none of the shrine maidens were actually looking at the boy as he spoke. Most of them were staring at Nikki as if she’d grown two heads. She supposed that a dripping wet woman with a sword would get that reaction. She wished she understood what the shrine maiden was saying to confirm that she wasn’t the only one seeing the boy.
“You can stop at Isetan at the station,” the boy said. “I promise you there will be a pair your size.”
Could he promise that because he was Inari, god of good fortune? Or was he just a schoolboy saying whatever he needed to say to get her to cooperate?
The shrine maiden said something in Japanese, and the others stirred out of their confusion. Before she even knew what was happening, she was led back to a prehistoric bath and four women were attempting to strip her.
“No, no, no!” She smacked away their hands as she flashed suddenly to her first compliancy hearing, where her mother had done everything in her power to put Nikki’s hypergraphia into overdrive. For some stupid reason, the laws allowed “emergency hospitalization” for seventy-two hours before a commitment hearing. “Harrowing” didn’t even come close to describing the showers that the orderlies put her through for three days prior to the hearing. She swung up the katana to block their attempts, gripping the hilt in a way that should translate in any language. “Don’t touch me! Don’t fucking touch . . .”
. . . she was kneeling in the kaguraden as the shrine maidens danced around her to drum and flute. She was dressed in a white yukata, smelling faintly of soap. Her hair was gathered into a ponytail, still damp against the back of her neck. The katana lay on the worn wooden floor in front of her. Atsumori knelt beside her.
“I told you not to do that,” she growled and started to rise.
“That was not me.” Atsumori spoke in a rush, motioning for her to stay kneeling. “Lord Inari did not want you to harm his servants. You should not have threatened them with the katana.”
She glared at him but gravity and her knees forced her to sink back into a kneeling position. “You should have stopped him.”
“I cannot.” Atsumori bowed his head to the floor. “I know that I told you that I would protect you, but the truth is that I am not a match in power to Lord Inari. He is a god. I am a simple samurai.”
Or a complex psychosis brought on by years of abuse.
She glanced about her for some indication that someone else was aware of Atsumori.
The shrine maidens were dancing in solemn practiced moves in a circle around her to the beat of a deep drum. A flute thrilled through a thin, wavering melody. The maidens held in their hands a wand decorated with zig-zagging folded paper streamers that they occasionally waved over her head. Despite the music and the rustle of the wand, the ceremony was strangely quiet. She felt an odd crawl of electricity snake over her body, making all the fine hairs on her arms stand up.
Her fingers fidgeted, overwhelmed by all the weirdness and stress of the day. The need to write was beginning again. She clenched her hands tight.
“I can’t take much more of this craziness,” she whispered. “After this, we go to Osaka, get my passport and bankcard, and go to Nara. Agreed? No attacking yakuza on our own.”
“I will not force you,” Atsumori said.
Which was not the same as agreeing, but she would have to be content. There was a good chance that she was merely arguing with herself.