CHAPTER NINE
CHAPTER NINE
Interlude
Support Chat Log
Date: March 14th
System: Thank you for your patience. A Build-A-Dragon support operator will be with you in four minutes.
Customer1: Um, hello?
System: Thank you for your patience. A Build-A-Dragon support operator will be with you in three minutes.
Customer1: Is anyone there?
Customer1: I don’t have all day.
System: Thank you for your patience. A Build-A-Dragon support operator will be with you in two minutes.
Customer1: Ugh, this is annoying.
System: Thank you for your patience. A Build-A-Dragon support operator will be with you in one minute.
Charles: Hello, and thank you for contacting Build-A-Dragon support.
Customer1: FINALLY.
Charles: How can I—
Customer1: So here’s the deal. I ordered one of your Laptop models a month ago.
Charles: Oh, I see we’re just jumping right in. Go on.
Customer1: My boyfriend and I ordered it together. It was our nine-week anniversary.
Charles: . . . and?
Customer1: NINE WEEKS. That’s over two months!!
Charles: That’s a heck of a milestone, miss. Please continue.
Customer1: Well, we were ordering this dragon to be ours. For both of us, you know? I had to convince him it was a good idea, of course. He just wanted to get me a cell phone case. A CELL PHONE CASE! After nine weeks. Can you imagine???
Charles: No more than I can imagine where this is going.
Customer1: Yes, well, we got the dragon. And I guess it turns out they’re a lot of work. We have to, like, feed it. And give it water. And it keeps wanting to go outside.
Charles: It sounds like you’re having a problem caring for the basic needs of a living thing. Do I understand that correctly?
Customer1: Um, that’s not really my problem, though. See, it’s my boyfriend.
Charles: I’m not sure that’s within our purview.
Customer1: I guess I thought that when we had a dragon together, it would bring us closer. We don’t live together, but I was hoping that once Plushie came here he might think about moving in.
Charles: Plushie?
Customer1: That’s what we named the dragon.
Charles: Oh, poor thing. And did your plan succeed?
Customer1: Not really. He won’t even stay over now, and he hasn’t called in a while.
Charles: How long is a while?
Customer1: Um, three weeks.
Charles: . . .
Customer1: So, I think there’s something wrong.
Charles: Oh, we can agree on that.
Customer1: With the dragon.
Charles: Never mind.
Customer1: Is there anything you can do to help?
Charles: Other than point out the obvious, I’m afraid not.
Customer1: What’s obvious???
Charles: What you need is a new boyfriend, and I’m afraid that’s none of our business.
Customer1: But I love him!
Charles: May I suggest that you try loving Plushie for a while? He’s not going anywhere.
Customer1: (indistinct sobbing)
Charles: Well, it sounds like we have resolved your issue. Thank you for contacting the Build-A-Dragon Company.