When we called him back to our offices to explain himself, Jody looked embarrassed and guilty, as only an innocent twelve-year-old kid can do. The self-proclaimed “master of disguise” showed that he understood the seriousness of the situation by arriving as himself rather than pretending to be a vampire with orthodontia and a swirling black cape, or a fuzzy werewolf with tufts of glued-on fur applied all over his face and head. He was just a kid with mussed-up red hair, mournful blue eyes, and a blush that almost, but not quite, obscured his freckles.
“I thought I’d have a little more time,” he said. “Junior Mad Scientists Camp will be over in a few weeks, and my work is sheer genius. You went to the Mad Scientists Patent Office yourself.”
I said with the ponderous patience that zombies are particularly skilled in, “Miz Mellivar says your work shows promise, but that’s not quite the same as sheer genius.”
“It’s where genius starts,” Jody said.
Floating close, Sheyenne said, “Creative types aren’t always good in business matters.”
“Maybe I just need a younger sidekick with a different set of skills,” Jody said. “Someone trained as a mad accountant . . .”
Robin took a seat next to the boy who sat on the office swivel chair, shuffling his sneakers. “The fact is you didn’t pay your rent, Jody. As evil as Ah’Chulhu may be, as a landlord he has certain rights.”
The kid’s lower lip trembled. “I didn’t pay the rent because I had already spent all my allowance. When my parents paid the registration fee, all expenses were supposed to be covered—but that just included food and a tiny dorm room. Students still have to buy our own specimens, lab materials, and pay our electric bills—that adds up to a lot! I didn’t have enough allowance left over to pay rent.” He flashed his bright smile. “But I was planning to make millions from my patents when they come through.”
“They’re in process,” I said. “It could take a while.”
Jody continued to fidget. “Do they expect me to wait my whole life for an answer? I might not hear back from them until I’m thirteen. With all those patents, I was going to change the world.”
“By becoming a supervillain?” I raised my eyebrows.
“It’s a goal to aspire to. An all-powerful supervillain would certainly change the world. And I wouldn’t have to be an evil supervillain.”
“That does sort of go along with the territory, kid,” I explained.
Now Jody seemed indignant. “Please don’t call me a kid, Mr. Chambeaux. I’m Dr. Darkness!!!—with three exclamation points. Or I will be, as soon as I finish my homework.”
He brought out sketches that showed his planned costume, his weapons, his superpowers. Jody had hand-drawn a comic strip showing a kid-sized costumed fighter, complete with a form-fitting suit and a cape.
I looked at the comic sketches with great interest. “In order to be a hero like that, you’ve got to keep yourself in good physical shape. You’re welcome to come with me to the gym sometime. All-Day/All-Nite Fitness.”
He brightened. “Golly, thanks, Mr. Chambeaux.”
Sheyenne considered. “Good and evil are a matter of perspective, especially here in the Quarter. It gets confusing when monsters are the good guys—and we’ve dealt with humans who were decidedly the villains.”
I was reminded of the intolerant “humans only” Straight Edge group who were willing to commit genocide on all unnaturals, or the grim and constipated Senator Balfour who tried to ramrod the passage of his repressive Unnatural Acts Act.
“It just sounds better if you don’t call yourself a supervillain,” I suggested to the kid.
Jody seemed confused. “I thought girls liked the bad boys.”
Sheyenne grinned. “He’s got you there, Beaux.”
We told Jody that Ah’Chulhu was keeping all of his inventions and possessions safe in a locker beside his porcelain throne. The boy seemed relieved about that at least.
“Those were my prototypes,” Jody said. “My Evilness Sieve. My Dark Powers Magnet—even the suit itself. I’ve done a lot of costuming, but the sewing and fitting is always the hardest part.” He pointed down to his sketches, unable to contain his excitement. “And I added a special auto-wardrobing function. Another work of sheer genius! Didn’t you ever wonder how villains and heroes get into their costumes so fast? With Dr. Darkness!!!, all I’d have to do is snap my fingers and the suit leaps onto my body. It feels a little funny, especially when it crawls up my legs, but it saves a lot of time.”
“I’ll bet it does,” I said.
Robin added, “The patent office also said that you invented some kind of X-ray Spex, but those infringed on other patents.”
Jody flushed an even brighter red. “Those were for, uh, something else.”
Robin led the young man into her office to strategize. He had managed to track down a copy of his lease, which she wanted to review thoroughly. I supposed that a tentacle-faced demon from a line of Elder Gods would be able to hire the best lawyers, but if anyone could find a loophole, Robin could.
The amount of rent had been based on the property value of prime mad scientist laboratory space, and that wasn’t cheap. The outstanding rent was probably more than the allowance the boy was likely to receive for the rest of his life. Even if the patent office approved every one of his evil inventions tomorrow, he was still looking at a long time for product development, test marketing, and finally, retail distribution.
Regarding the legality of the contract, Jody’s parents had signed a waiver when their son attended Junior Mad Scientists Camp, and Ah’Chulhu’s lawyers had somehow amended that to apply to the conditions of any lease signed during camp outings. Worse, the terms granted the landlord partial ownership of any intellectual property developed during the camp’s recreational activities.
Jody might imagine himself a scientific genius, but he really needed to read his contracts better. Or maybe invent some kind of high-tech contract nullifier.
Robin went over the document with him, clause by clause, which Jody found more grueling than a hundred spelling tests or English essays. Much as my heart went out to the kid, though, I had other cases to work on. I still had to find an ogre’s voice and get to the bottom of nefarious campaign shenanigans.
I took my fedora and glanced out the window to check what this hour’s weather was: gray, cloudy, and drizzling slightly. I pulled on my freshly laundered sport jacket, grateful that Sheyenne had found a new one-hour post-sewer dry-cleaning service, and headed out.