Chapter Seven
Aelys drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Her hands refused to stop trembling, so she tucked them under her arms and concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other as she walked next to one of Sabetha’s wagons. Behind them, Mageford disappeared behind the rise as they followed the imperial road downhill toward the south.
“Sun in your eyes?”
Aelys looked up with a tight smile as Romik fell into step beside her on the rutted road. “A little,” she said, unable to keep the tremor out of her voice.
“It’s midday now, it should get better as the afternoon goes on. The road’s headed south, not west.”
“I’m all right,” she said. “Truly.”
“No trouble keeping up?”
“No. The oxen aren’t exactly quick, and I’ve gotten used to walking.” She took a deep breath and then smiled up at Romik again. “I’m not exactly the helpless noblewoman you rescued anymore, Romik.”
“Then why are you shaking like a leaf?” he asked, his gentle voice softening his blunt words.
“I—” Aelys shrugged. “I just am.”
“Are you worried about bandits? Sabetha was right, we’re a lot safer with a big train like this. We’ve more than twenty guards, all well trained. That’s a solid deterrent to anyone. Plus, this is a major imperial highway. And you’re in disguise.” He pointed at the tail of her braid that lay over her shoulder. Instead of Aelys’s usual white-blonde hair, Sabetha’s dyes had changed it to a burnished red-orange. Though it didn’t look entirely natural, it was a common enough color amongst the wives of tradesmen and merchants, particularly those wishing to hide the early appearance of gray. Sabetha had assured them that the brassy color would help Aelys look less aristocratic and help her blend in.
“I know,” she said. “That’s not it. Or at least, that’s not all of it.”
“So what then?” He looked down at her, his brown eyes demanding honesty.
“The Lyceum,” she breathed. “I—I didn’t think I’d ever go back there. I have no idea what’s waiting for me there. I didn’t exactly leave under the best of circumstances.”
“I thought you graduated.”
“I did graduate.” Out of habit, Aelys reached up to touch the stone she usually wore at the hollow of her throat. Her fingertips brushed bare skin, reminding her that her Bellatrix stone rode in the carefully concealed inside pocket of her undershift. It wasn’t as good as the magically sealed inside pocket of her Bellatrix cloak, but it was as secure as she could make it without an artificer handy to enchant the workaday clothing her disguise required.
“I repeat, so what then?”
“I…” She trailed off with a sigh, and then shrugged. “You know I wasn’t chosen by an Ageon—”
“Because you were meant for us,” he put in, earning a sharp look. He grinned at her and closed one eyelid in a wink, and something fluttered deep in Aelys’s stomach at the sight.
“Well, when I wasn’t chosen,” she went on, pulling her gaze back down to the rutted road at her feet, “I left. I didn’t tell anyone where I was going, or why. I just ran back to my room and grabbed my knapsack, then snuck down to the stables and took my family’s horse…and left.”
“You didn’t leave a note or anything?”
“No…well, technically, I suppose I did leave a note behind, but it wasn’t from me. It was from Myara to me, telling me that she loved the man I loved, and that he loved her back and would choose her and leave me standing. I was supposed to read it before the ceremony, I suppose. I didn’t, obviously…Romik?”
Aelys looked up when she realized that the big warrior no longer walked beside her. She glanced around, only to find him a step behind her, all traces of humor gone from his face.
“Is everything all right?” She paused to let him catch up.
“No, it’s not. I didn’t know you’d loved someone before. Or that he’d betrayed you with this other person. Who is Myara?”
Despite the pain that stabbed through her at the thought, Aelys smiled. “Myara was my roommate and best friend at the Lyceum. We met as children our first year and were inseparable ever since. I wouldn’t have made it through without her.”
“Stealing someone’s love doesn’t sound like the actions of a good friend to me.”
“You don’t understand, Romik,” Aelys said with a smile. “I was so weak. She really was right. I would have been such a liability as a battlemage. She tried to tell me, but I wouldn’t listen. I just had to stand for selection and try to chase that dream. I really can’t blame Halik for not choosing me, I would not have been able to keep him safe if he were my Ageon. He deserved better.”
Romik’s hand shot out and wrapped around her wrist, as he jerked her to a stop. “Do not talk that way about yourself, Bella,” he said, his voice low in warning. “You know none of us will tolerate it.”
“I’m not being self-deprecating,” Aelys said, shaking her head. “I’m not! I really was weak, Romik. The block my aunt—I mean Aerivinne—put on me severely hindered my ability to pull power. Honestly, it’s a wonder I even graduated. I’m amazed I could pull power at all.”
“That doesn’t mean you deserved to have your heart broken.”
“Well, no,” she said. “It doesn’t. And yes, it hurt and I cried. But do you want to know the truth of the matter?” She looked up at him, meeting his furious gaze for a split second before dropping her eyes to look at his hand on her skin.
“The truth is,” she said, forcing the words out even though they sounded weak and anxious to her ears. “I barely think of either of them now. I do occasionally miss my friendship with Myara. And when I think of it, that hurts far more than I ever mourned Halik’s regard. I thought I loved him. Perhaps I did. But he just doesn’t seem to matter anymore.”
Slowly, Aelys raised her eyes to meet Romik’s again, willing him to see the sincerity in her gaze. His hand tightened briefly on her wrist, and then he let go, sliding his fingertips down along the skin of her forearm as he went.
“Will Halik and Myara be there? At the Lyceum?” Romik’s tone was casual enough that Aelys could tell he tried to make it sound that way.
“No.” Aelys’s smile deepened, even as sadness twisted through her again. “They’re off training with the Battlemage Corps by now. Even if they were to be stationed back at the Lyceum for some reason, the initial training takes over a month. We’re safe.”
“Then so are they,” Romik muttered, which made Aelys snort softly.
“You wouldn’t want to go after them anyway.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Bella. I may not be officially bound to you anymore, but I’m still your protector by my own choice. Someone hurts you, I—and Daen and Vil, for that matter—will go after them.”
“I’ll accept that for future offenses,” Aelys said, keeping her tone light as her mind flinched away from the deeper implications of his words. “But if you start stalking everyone who ever made me cry at the Lyceum, you’ll depopulate the place in its entirety. I didn’t have an easy time of it, Ro. No one does, but especially not a Brionne daughter who should be incredibly powerful…and isn’t.”
Romik turned and met her eyes again. “You were targeted?”
“I was,” Aelys said.
“By your peers? The instructors?”
“Both. Other than Myara and Halik, the mage students and Ageon candidates were indifferent and aloof at best. No one wanted to be tainted by whatever caused me to have such trouble. The instructors were mostly better. Although they seemed to share a deep belief that if they just pushed me hard enough, my power would manifest. Thus, the menial chores I’ve told you about before…but no one ever died from scrubbing too many floors, I guess.” She smiled up at him, hoping to ease the dark anger that radiated from him.
“Still, you were a child. You should have been protected.”
“So were you, when you first stepped into the arena.”
“That’s how I know,” Romik said. His hand brushed hers lightly as they walked, and heat simmered under her skin, racing from the spot where they touched to tingle through her entire arm.
“Anyway, I’m not so much worried about me,” Aelys said quickly. “But I…”
“What?”
She sucked in a deep breath and blew it out, then squared her shoulders. “I worry how they’ll treat you.”
“Me?” Surprise threaded through Romik’s tone.
“All of you,” Aelys said quietly, waving a hand. “The three of you are my protectors, but you’re not bound as Ageons, not properly. And not even magically. So, what does that make you? And none of you are noble born…I worry that you’ll be mistreated, Romik. Or ridiculed.”
Romik’s mouth curved in a small smile. “I’d like to see them try,” he said. “You don’t need to worry about us, Bella. My brothers and I can handle ourselves.”
“I know you can.” Frustration filled Aelys, churning in her gut as she spoke. “But you shouldn’t have to. People at the Lyceum are…you know how Daen talks about the Foresters? It’s nearly as bad as far as factions and cliques. Most Ageon candidates are children of nobility, or at least by-blows. And all mage students come from noble families. All of the irregularities in our…relationship, I guess, are all reasons for everyone there to look at you askance, or speak rudely, or—”
“Aelys, stop.” Romik suited actions to words, halting and reaching out to wrap his huge hands around her shoulders. Warmth soaked through the layers of her cloak and gown, spilling into her chest and filling the space between her ribs. Longing punched through her as she thought of the river of red energy that had once flowed between them, but the metal sluice gate she’d built in her mind remained silent and closed, like an abandoned portal to a path that no longer existed.
I broke the geas to set them free, Aelys reminded herself. It was wrong to bind them in the first place, and it’s wrong to wish they were still mine…but I do.
“Aelys, look at me,” Romik said, his gravelly voice soft as it pulled Aelys from her circling thoughts. She lifted her eyes to meet his warm brown gaze. “We’re fine,” he said. “More than fine. We’re not students at the Lyceum, and neither Vil nor Daen nor I give a bookmaker’s bent coin about what anyone there thinks of us. Let them snicker behind their hands. It will not matter, all right?”
Aelys swallowed hard. “But…it’s bad enough you’re associated with me—”
“Stop.” Iron edged his words. “Just because your peers and teachers at the Lyceum devalued you, that doesn’t mean you have to devalue yourself. We’ve talked about this.”
Aelys sucked in a breath. Tears tightened her throat and welled up behind her eyes, but she shoved them down.
He’s right, she told herself sternly. I’m not as weak as I once was. Maybe it doesn’t hurt them like it did when they were geas-bound, but they still don’t enjoy it when I am harsh with myself. Even if I deserve it. I…need to keep that in mind. I owe them so much. The least I can do is try to accede to their wishes in this.
“You’re right,” she said, her whisper barely audible above the creak of the wagon’s wheels. Romik leaned closer as she raised her eyes to meet his gaze again. “I’m so— You’re correct. I need to stand on my own feet. I will try to do better. To be more confident.”
Romik’s eyes narrowed slightly, as if he didn’t fully like or believe her answer, but he nodded and let go of her shoulders. For just a moment, it felt like he let his fingertips linger on her upper arm, but she dismissed that thought as fancy.
He’s a good, kind man. He feels responsible for you. Nothing more. Don’t delude yourself, Aelys. None of these men feel anything for you past that. It’s not his problem that you were weak enough to fall for their geas-induced regard. You made this mess. You must deal with it.
She looked up at Romik with a tight smile that she could feel didn’t quite reach her eyes and nodded once more. “We should keep moving,” she said.
“You’re all right?” he asked, his eyes searching hers.
“I am,” she said, putting more confidence into the words than she felt. “Thank you.”
He smiled at her and turned to continue down the rutted, dusty road. She walked beside him, grateful that the dust gave her an excuse to wipe her eyes.