CHAPTER 7
The jump lasted less than a minute. I hoped it was going to be all we needed. And that I’d coordinated right, because if I hadn’t, we were going to go splat in a really spectacular way.
We came out in Herion’s atmosphere. “Oh, I’m good.” Time to talk to the folks on the ground. “Herion Mission Control, this is vessel Three-three-six-nine, requesting immediate landing. Have been attacked by pirate armada and wish to get the hell out of the air.”
“Roger that, Three-three-six-niner.” Male voice. Very official. “Coordinates uploaded to your ship’s computer. Welcome to Herion.”
Landed smoothly. I didn’t like Herion much, but there were advantages to a planet under martial rule—things tended to run on extra-crispy.
“Audrey, please search for any outstanding warrants for any crew personnel, past or present, for Herion or their surrounding planets.”
“Running, Captain. All crew cleared of last several warrants. Only outstanding warrant is for Jack Rock.”
“Ah. Audrey, please advise the Herion Master Computer that Jack is serving time on Omnimus. Herion can add onto his sentence with them.”
“Done, Captain. The Master Computer asked me to share Herion’s appreciation of your adherence to their laws.”
“I live to stay within Herion’s laws.” I did. Because living outside of them was dangerous, especially while in their vicinity. Their military tended to run to the same type as had warned Slinkie about our invisible attackers—big, strong and mean.
Slinkie and the Governor met me and Randolph at the hatch. The Governor looked none the worse for our little escapade. Not that he looked good. I’d known him for what seemed like forever but was really only about five years, and even five years earlier he’d looked like he wasn’t dead only because someone had forgotten to bury him. But for a frail old man, he still had it. I wasn’t sure what it was, exactly, but he had it.
He also knew how to play up being ancient. Slinkie normally found the Governor annoying, but she was the one who always helped him in and out of the Sixty-Nine. The Governor used these opportunities to cop the cheap feels. I envied him like no other man alive.
“Ready to be the best-behaved crew in the galaxy?” The three of them nodded. “Then let’s go, make our report, recharge the Sixty-Nine and ourselves, and figure out how to get back into space, pronto.”
I hit the hatch release and the door lowered to the ground. As captain, I went first. This was always fun, since those on the ground could see me well before I could ever see them. I’d never had someone shoot my legs out from under me yet, but in a couple of cases, it wasn’t from their lack of trying.
Got down without lasers firing. So far, so good. Complement of Herion Military waiting there for us, standard procedure, especially since I’d radioed about an attack. The others joined me.
“Nap, I think I recognize the major,” Slink whispered to me. I knew without looking she wasn’t moving her lips. We’d all learned that trick ages ago.
I took a closer gander. “Oh, it’s your boyfriend,” I whispered back in kind. “You know, the one who’s probably married. Or likes men. Or even animals. Maybe all three. You never can tell with that type.”
Sure enough, he recognized Slinkie. Sadly, he beamed a smile at her, said something to the others with him, and strode over. He strode impressively. I really hated him. I watched Slinkie out of the corner of my eye—she was standing up very straight, chest out, casually flipping her hair around. I decided to loathe him.
He reached us, clicked his heels together, and gave us—well, Slinkie—a short bow. “How good to see you again.”
Slinkie extracted herself from the Governor and stepped a bit closer to the military stuffed shirt. “Bryant, how wonderful to see you here.” Her voice was a purr. I wondered how many years I’d get for killing Bryant right here. Probably so many that sex with Slinkie would never again enter the realm of possibility. Better to let him live and just catch him in some compromising position, preferably with a holocam on hand.
“Did we hear right? You were attacked?” He sounded concerned and ready to go off and slay space dragons for her.
“Yes. Captain Outland was able to get us to safety.” Slinkie turned to me and gave me a smile I knew meant play along or die. “Captain, I’d like to introduce you to Major Bryant Lionside. Bryant, Captain Alexander Napoleon Outland.”
Lionside offered his hand. I took it. His grip was painful, to the point where I wanted to cry like a little girl. I didn’t, but I sure as hell wanted to. “Interesting middle name, Captain.”
“It’s traditional in my family. For some reason.” I happened to love my middle name, though Great-Aunt Clara had never shared why every Outland had to be named either Napoleon or Alexander, or both, even the girls. Alexandria’s a great name. I felt for whoever got stuck being named Napoliana, though. Not that I actually knew any of my family other than Great-Aunt Clara. She was more than enough. “Lionside. That’s an interesting name.”
“Name of kings. In Herion’s older times. I wouldn’t expect an off-worlder to understand.” I managed not to share that I was named for not one but two kings, though it took serious effort on my part. He looked at Slinkie. “I thought he was the ship’s cabin boy.” He sounded serious.
Slinkie didn’t miss a beat. “Oh, Bryant, you’re so funny.” She trilled a laugh. I considered barfing. “Captain Outland is quite experienced.”
“He looks like he’s maybe sixteen.” Bryant clearly didn’t like young boys. Dammit. One potential compromising position out.
“I’m thirty. Almost thirty-one.” I got this out through gritted teeth. He still had my hand in his rock-crushing grip.
“Captain Outland, why is that man holding your hand?” The Governor’s voice was both quavering and very, very loud. It carried to the other men in Lionside’s unit. They all looked a tad concerned. Lionside dropped my hand. I remembered why I kept the Governor around.
“Just saying hello the Herion Military way, Governor.” I put both hands behind my back so I could massage feeling into my right without looking pathetically obvious.
“Huh. Interesting ways they have here.” The Governor sounded unimpressed and a little grossed out. Extra brew for the Governor, that was today’s motto as far as I was concerned.
Lionside did his best to recover. “We’d like to get a debrief from all of you. You’re the only ones who have survived the attacks, at least as far as we know.”
“Happy to help. We want to be able to leave and live longer than five minutes.”
“You don’t need all of us for the debrief, do you, Captain Outland?” Randolph knew how to sound official when he needed to. And on Herion, you always needed to.
“I don’t see why, Mister Billur. He’s our Chief Mechanic, Major. Not involved in any of the, ah, excitement. Same with former Governor Murgat here.” I wanted to suggest that Slinkie wasn’t necessary either, but since she was Security Chief and Weapons Controller, I knew that idea wouldn’t fly.
Lionside nodded. “Agreed. Gentlemen, please be sure to follow Herion’s visitor’s policies. To the letter.”
“Yes, sir, Major.” Randolph pulled off a decent salute. I was almost impressed. He took the Governor and they moved off, slowly, because the Governor didn’t move quickly as a rule. I wondered if they’d get to a bar before we were done and ready to leave. Decided that was a no bet, could go either way.
Lionside and the rest of his unit surrounded me and Slinkie and escorted us to a briefing room. I was relieved to note it was a real briefing room, not a cell. I never took the “not a cell” idea for granted.
We were seated around a large oval table, beverages were provided, as well as a fruit plate. They did it up nice here when you’d survived the invisible pirate attacks, I had to give them that.
Of course, I also had to make sure none of this stuff was drugged. Conveniently, Randolph was good with any and all things mechanical, including tiny things. Every one of our crew had a sensor in a ring. Each ring was different, so they didn’t look obvious, just like jewelry. My sensor showed everything as clean. I could tell Slinkie’s was the same, since she took a drink. I decided to follow suit.
“Herion Bitterroot. Excellent. And my favorite. I haven’t had this since, well, the last time I was on Herion.” This was a lie, but Herion Bitterroot was smuggler’s gold. I knew, I’d smuggled a lot of it all over the galaxy. I figured they weren’t drugging us, just testing us.
“You’re sure?” Lionside asked me pleasantly. “Because we understand there’s a lot of Herion Bitterroot out on the black market.”
I shrugged. “Sure there is. I don’t drink it illegally. I figure it would be an insult to your planet.” The Governor tended to prove his worth when it came to what we should and shouldn’t say on certain planets. He’d spent a lot of time discussing Herion’s little quirks with us. Herion was a scary planet, run by scary people. And I’d had to run here for help. The thought that we’d leaped out of the firing range and right in front of the firing squad leapt to mind.
“Bryant, I thought you wanted to get our information.” Slinkie sounded sweet and confused. I had to control myself from making the gagging sound—she clearly had the hots for this guy.
“True.” He gave her a beaming smile. “Such a relief you’re safe.”
“Yes.” Slinkie looked at me. “Captain, I counted a dozen ships. You as well?”
“That’s right.”
“You saw them?” There was something about the way Lionside asked this. All the warning bells went off in my head.
“Yes, of course. A dozen ships. We couldn’t recognize their markings, though.”
“How did you know they were unfriendlies?” Lionside was giving me a stare worthy of a robot—intense and unblinking.
“They tried to attach us and fired on us. They jammed our communications and didn’t respond to our requests to cease and desist.” I hoped Slinkie was picking up how I was answering and would follow suit.
“They also tried to net us,” she added.
“How did you escape?” one of the other military gang asked.
“Captain Outland was able to hyper-jump us to Herion.” Slinkie gave them all a relieved, girlish smile. “I was never so scared. Or so happy to see a planet.”
Good, she’d picked it up. “So, we understand you’ve had problems in your vicinity recently. We’d hoped to avoid it, we didn’t. Any suggestions for how we avoid it when we leave?”
Lionside shrugged. “You could just stay on Herion.”