by Robin Wayne Bailey
“From there to here and here to there, funny things are everywhere.”
—Dr. Seuss
“Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not: a sense of humor to console him for what he is.”
—Sir Francis Bacon
“Humor is just another defense against the universe.”
—Mel Brooks
First contact. It doesn’t take an Albert Einstein to understand that our first encounters with alien species are going to have repercussions and consequences for Mankind. Who’s to say, however, that those repercussions will necessarily be dire, grim, and frightening? Who’s to say those consequences won’t leave us rolling on the floor laughing? Take my planet . . . please!
Science fiction is full of stories about superior alien races who travel light-years across the galaxy, sometimes even from other dimensions, just to eat us, or to steal our women, or to devour our precious resources, or just to claim our bright, blue world for their own nefarious purposes. One wonders, though: if those aliens were really so superior, why wouldn’t they set loftier goals for themselves? Why wouldn’t they use their wonderfulness to promote galactic peace? Why not, with all their advanced technology, bring us the miracle of free and clean energy for all? Maybe they could share the secret to the absolutely perfect martini to make all our lives more tolerable.
But never mind that.
What if earth-women just weren’t, you know, that into bug-eyed monsters and little green men? What if we just scared the invaders off with late-night screenings of the loudest and most violent Hollywood movies depicting all the times we’ve beaten back and crushed other luckless invading alien species? We wouldn’t have to explain fiction to them.
What if we just hauled them into court and tied them up in red tape?
Science fiction readers and fans, particularly of my generation, grew up with the nuts-and-bolts hard-science visions of Robert Heinlein, Arthur C. Clarke and Isaac Asimov. They were giants in the field, visionaries whose grand, futuristic imaginations made science fiction exciting. I’ve spoken to NASA scientists whose careers were inspired by these writers. I remember watching Walter Cronkite as he interviewed both Heinlein and Clarke on the day of the Apollo 11 moon landing. I’m watching that interview again right now on youtube.com as I compose this.
Yet, there were three other writers I’ve always admired just as much. I still frequently reread their stories, and their work continues to excite me. Frederick Brown, Robert Sheckley, and William Tenn—I’ve sometimes referred to them as The Terrible Trio of science fiction. They also wrote tales about space travel, first contact, alien civilizations, and all the usual SF tropes, but with totally unique voices. Each brought humor and quick wit, sharp satire and sometimes pure, outrageous comedy to their stories. If you don’t know them, get thee to Google now. Find and read Brown’s, “Martians Go Home,” and Sheckley’s “Early Model,” and Tenn’s “Eastward, Ho!” Or almost anything else by these gentlemen. You won’t be sorry. They gave us great stories that were no less thought-provoking even as they made us laugh, and it’s these three writers who inspired this anthology.
So, here it is. One small step for Man, one giant . . . Oh, my god! He tripped on the last step and fell helmet-first in the lunar pounce! How ignominious, but Neal was probably tripped by a little green man. Or maybe an army of them. NASA isn’t talking and the records are sealed.
Our goal isn’t so lofty as eating people. We’re not out to steal women or conquer planets. Our goal is only to present you with a book filled with wonderful stories that make you think and laugh at the same time. Twenty-one terrific writers, a wicked assortment of major pros and brilliant newcomers, are assembled here with nineteen stories to do just that. I hope you’ll be as thrilled with the result as I am.
Now, before I end this and let you get on to what you really bought this book for, I need to give special thanks and acknowledgment to my co-editor, Hugo Award nominee Bryan Thomas Schmidt. A far more experienced hand at assembling original anthologies than I, Bryan did much of the heavy lifting on this one and guided me at every step. His diligence helped to make Little Green Men—Attack! a delightful reality.
So, that’s it. Now, stop me if you’ve heard this one: twenty-one science fiction writers walk into a bar . . .
—Robin Wayne Bailey
January 4, 2016