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The New Member

Badibax, Bongolia, March 15. Dr. Hodiroy Dabigam, newly elected president of the Republic of the United Bongolias, today presided in ceremonies during which the flag of the Bongolian Republic was raised over the Sanctuary, the principal building of the capital city of Badibax. The Sanctuary, built in the fourteenth century by European traders, was today rechristened Palace of the Presidents by Dr. Hodiroy, who was cheered by an enthusiastic crowd estimated by newsmen at around four thousand. Dr. Hodiroy announced that Bongolia will seek admission to the United Nations, in order to "take our rightful place in the councils of the mighty." Vice Admiral K. C. Baines, commander of the U.S. 34th Fleet, was among the American representatives at the ceremony, which was also attended by delegations from a number of other nations, including communist China.

New York, April 1st. The Republic of the United Bongolias today was officially admitted to the United Nations.

New York, April 2nd. Sodibox Gozinaz Hodiroy, head of the Bongolian delegation to the United Nations, today demanded that Bongolia be admitted to a seat on the Security Council. Mr. Sodibox charged that it is unfair to have only a comparatively few nations represented on the Security Council. "Who are they?" he demanded. "Is this right? They are few. We are many. Why should they have it and not we?" Mr. Sodibox, who spoke in native costume, also charged that many crimes had been committed against his country by the European traders who established themselves in the fourteenth century at the Bongolian capital, Badibax. Mr. Sodibox stated that it was not known just what nation these traders belonged to, but he charged that their presence had held back the development of Bongolian culture, reduced his nation to peonage and wreaked tremendous physical and psychological damage upon his people, damage which still manifested itself today. Mr. Sodibox demanded that reparations be paid by all the European nations, plus the U.S., Canada, Mexico, Australia, New Zealand and the "other colonialist powers responsible for the outrage."

Washington, April 4th. When asked today what the U.S. proposed to do about the Bongolian demand for reparations, the Secretary of State replied that he was a little puzzled by Mr. Sodibox's charge, insofar as the United States did not exist in the fourteenth century, when the alleged crimes took place. The fourteenth century, he pointed out, includes dates from the beginning of the year 1300 through to the end of the year 1399, and the American continent was not even discovered by Columbus till 1492, one hundred years later. The United States, he said, sympathized with the Bongolian Republic, but naturally could not be expected to pay for crimes it had never committed.

New York, April 4th. Sodibox Gozinaz Hodiroy, chief of the Bongolian delegation to the United Nations, today charged the American Secretary of State with bad faith. In an impassioned speech, Mr. Sodibox declared, "Look at my people! Have they not suffered? It is the American imperialists who have committed this crime! They are responsible! And when they are called to account before the councils of the mighty they try to squirm out by some jugglery with numbers! Are numbers more important than the sufferings of my people!"

Washington, April 6th. In his news conference this morning, the President was asked his views on the Bongolian crisis. After a considerable pause, he replied that while the United States felt great sympathy for all who suffered from poverty and want, nevertheless the United States could not accept the blame for a crime committed by persons unknown, some four hundred years before the United States was founded.

Badibax, Bongolia, April 10th. Speaking before a roaring crowd officially estimated at some seventeen thousand, President Dr. Hodiroy Dabigam accused the United States of "treason to the principle of self-determination of the nations, treason to the principal of responsibility for past crimes, treason against race, religion, color, national origin, and the payments of past debts."

He likened the U S. President to a dog licking up the vomit of another dog, whom he identified as the U. S. Secretary of State. President Dr. Hodiroy warned that "the sovereign peoples of the world will not long ignore such insults as these." The Americans, he stated, are running dogs for the nations of Europe, which seek to escape their responsibility for the crimes against Bongolia, and the Americans moreover are descendants of these Europeans, and therefore in it with them. America, President Dr. Hodiroy warned, had best beware, lest the dispossessed nations of South America, Africa, Asia and all the world rise in one body, led by the Republic of the United Bongolias, and "claim the vengeance which has been unpaid now for six hundred years." At the climax of President Hodiroy's speech, the U.S. flag was burned, the Secretary of State was hanged in effigy, and an effigy of the American president was thrown into the streets to be spat upon, defiled and picked to pieces by the frenzied mob. In addition, three U.S. sailors were reported missing.

New York, April 11th. Sodibox Gozinaz Hodiroy, speaking to reporters, today charged that the riots in Bongolia "were fomented by the inflammatory speeches of the American President and Secretary of State, who are therefore personally responsible for them. They have caused them by their refusal to pay for their crimes." Mr. Sodibox was asked by one reporter for the date of his birth. Mr. Sodibox replied that he was forty-one years old. The reporter then asked Mr. Sodibox what he would do if he were charged with a rape that occurred fifty years ago. Mr. Sodibox refused to answer the question.

Washington, April 14th. Senator Clyde Deebling today called for "immediate full-scale economic aid to the Bongolian Republic," which he said "would otherwise be in danger of falling into the hands of the communists." In an unprecedented scene, Senator Deebling was booed for fifteen minutes and finally forced to sit down. The view here is that the government of Bongolia is lucky not to have done all this a hundred years ago. But since war between the present-day U. S. and Bongolia, which in actuality is a moderately large island in the Sadinak Straits, would be ridiculous, we are in a predicament to know just what to do about it. A great many congressmen, meanwhile, report receiving angry telegrams from their constituents demanding to know what has happened to the American sailors.

New York, April 14th. A number of delegates from Afro-Asian countries are reportedly urging Sodibox Gozinaz, head of the delegation from Bongolia, to take it slower in his attacks on the U.S. These delegates, it is reported, feel that Mr. Sodibox is rousing antagonisms that will not help their efforts to obtain more economic aid from the U. S.

New York, April 14th. Sodibox Gozinaz Hodiroy, the Bongolian delegate to the U.N., today charged Great Britain, France, Spain, Italy, the Netherlands, the Soviet Union and Greece, with complicity in the attempt to avoid payment for the depredations of European traders who invaded Bongolia in the fourteenth century. Since it is not known exactly what nationality these traders were, Mr. Sodibox affirmed his government's position that "all alike must share in the responsibility." Mr. Sodibox estimates the damage done to Bongolia by the traders at two billion kittagotigs. The kittagotig is the new official unit of Bongolian currency. Its value is fixed by the Bongolian government at twice the value of the U.S. dollar.

Badibax, Bongolia, April 15th. No satisfactory answer having been received from the governments of Great Britain, France, Spain, Italy, the Netherlands, the Soviet Union and Greece, President Dr. Hodiroy Dabigam, speaking to a frenzied rally estimated officially at 40,000 persons, stated that these nations, along with the United States and other guilty parties, owed the Bongolian Republic two billion kittagotigs, plus interest compounded annually at twelve per cent since the year 1300, for their "infamous crimes against the Bongolian peoples, crimes including rape, incest, murder, pillage, brutality, usury, extortion and seizure of lands public and private." At the climax of his speech, President Dr. Hodiroy personally hurled down to the mob effigies of the chiefs of state of Great Britain, France, Spain, Italy, the Netherlands, the Soviet Union and Greece, which were spat on, defiled and kicked around the public square. Later, the national flags of these nations were lashed with whips, pounded with clubs and then burned to the frenzied cheers of the mob.

New York, April 16th. Sodibox Gozinaz Hodiroy, chief of the delegation from the Republic of the United Bongolias, appeared in the U.N. General Assembly this morning, wearing his national costume, with the addition of four dried hands dangling from the front and rear of a strap worn across his left shoulder. These hands, Mr. Sodibox said, are "symbols of the suffering of my people at the hands of the foreign exploiters." When asked where these dried hands came from, Mr. Sodibox replied that they were obtained from "enemies of the state."

Washington, April 16th. "Unimpeachable government sources" state today that repeated queries to the Bongolian government about the fate of the three missing U. S. sailors have gone unanswered.

Badibax, Bongolia, April 17th. Persistent rumors are reported here that two white Americans and a Negro American are being exhibited in wooden cages in a kind of carnival held on the outskirts of Badibax. Sharp-edged shells, it is reported, are thrown through the bars at the prisoners, and those who hit them win prizes. The description of these men matches that of the missing U.S. sailors.

With the 34th Fleet in the Straits of Sadinak, April 18th. A predawn raid by U. S. Marines this morning recovered the three U.S. sailors missing for more than a week. All three men are reported in serious condition, suffering from hunger, thirst, loss of blood and many deep and badly infected cuts.

New York, April 18th. In an impassioned speech before the U.N. General Assembly, Mr. Sodibox Gozinaz Hodiroy, his face smeared with blood and dirt, and wearing the Bongolian "suit of eighteen pleading heads," made an impassioned attack upon the United States for its "arrogant interference in Bongolian domestic affairs." He charged the U.S. with "aggression, provocation, trespass, and the theft of Bongolian Government prisoners." Mr. Sodibox likened the U.S. to a rich landowner who steals chickens from his impoverished neighbor. As Mr. Sodibox reached the climax of his speech, one of the dried heads slipped loose from its rawhide thong, fell on the table, and rolled off onto the floor. The General Assembly adjourned early, without voting on Mr. Sodibox's demand for a vote of censure against the U.S.

Badibax, Bongolia, April 19th. In an impassioned speech to a frenzied mob officially estimated at eighty thousand persons, President Dr. Hodiroy Dabigam accused the U.S. of "wanton naked aggression against the sovereign state of the Republic of the United Bongolias" and warned that "all oppressed peoples of the world will rise up behind the Bongolian martyrs and hurl themselves upon the American aggressors in a holy bonganap." (The Bongolian word "bonganap" is not directly translatable. It does not mean "war" or "crusade," but refers more to the slaughter of the enemy, followed by the breaking of the bones of the enemy dead. This is considered to cause further pain to those who have already been killed.) President Dr. Hodiroy further accused the American Marines of cowardice, charging that they came armed with modern weapons "only because they are afraid to fight like men, with spears, knives, and stranglewhips." (The "stranglewhip" is a long, slender cord with heavy knots at the end. It is said that skillful wielders of this weapon can coil it around an enemy's neck from behind, without coming close enough for him to hear their approach, then, by clever manipulation of the whip, the wielder can strangle the enemy to death without ever getting close enough for the enemy to strike back.) President Dr. Hodiroy further announced that he holds the U.S. president "personally and immediately responsible for this outrage and hereby demands a full and immediate explanation and apology for this unwarranted intrusion upon sovereign Bongolian territory. Otherwise the U.S. will be subject to retaliation by the full weight of Bongolian military might." It is reported that nearly four hundred Chinese communist technicians, military advisors and specialists in guerilla warfare have arrived in Bongolia since the beginning of the year.

With the 34th Fleet near the Straits of Sadinak, April 19th. Vice Admiral K. C. Baines, commander of naval forces here, has reportedly been petitioned by his contingent of Marines, many of whom wish to go ashore to Badibax in answer to the Bongolian president's accusation of "cowardice." The story is that the Marines would be happy to go after the Bongolians armed only with belts, bayonets, or barehanded and are confident they could "clean the place out in an hour." One enlisted man described the capital city of Badibax as "about a medium-sized town, with ocean in front, the jungle behind, the Kratigatik River to the west and the Chicago dump to the east."

New York, April 19th. Afro-Asian members of the U. N. are visibly shunning the Bongolian delegation. This appears to be in response to the widely quoted Bongolian claim that "Bongolia is the natural leader of the Afro-Asian bloc." Mr. Sodibox Gozinaz, speaking to reporters, today reasserted this position, charging that the other Afro-Asian nations "are backward and have no culture."

Washington, April 19th. Usually reliable sources here state that there is no truth to the rumor currently circulating that the U.S. plans a punitive expedition against the Bongolians. "We've got our men back, and that's what we were after." Asked about the personal feelings of high government officials toward the Bongolians, the spokesman refused comment.

Badibax, Bongolia, April 20th. Addressing a huge rally and speaking from the Palace of the Presidents, President Dr. Hodiroy Dabigam announced tonight completion of a new treaty with communist China. This treaty, President Dr. Hodiroy told the cheering crowd, provides for economic assistance and mutual aid and defense. Accordingly, said Dr. Hodiroy, he hereby calls upon communist China "to come at once to the aid of oppressed Bongolia." Amid the wild cheers of the crowd, officially estimated at one hundred thousand, President Dr. Hodiroy declared, "we now call upon our pledged allies to hurl themselves at once into universal mortal conflict at all points with the mutual enemy who has sullied the soil of the Republic of United Bongolias. We will do the same, in turn, if our ally is ever attacked."

Peking, April 21st. No word has yet been announced here about the "American aggression" in rescuing three captured U.S. sailors from the Bongolians. There is also no word about the treaty.

Moscow, April 23rd. A high Soviet official contacted here today was asked about the apparent predominance of Chinese communist influence in Bongolia. He replied smilingly that he understood that the Chinese were not perfectly happy with their new ally, but the Soviet Union "does not wish to interfere."

Badibax, Bongolia, April 24th. President Dr. Hodiroy Dabigam, addressing a wildly enthusiastic crowd officially estimated at a quarter of a million persons, called again tonight for the "immediate destruction by our Chinese allies of the American imperialists who committed rapine, murder, trespass and larceny against our people by their brutal armed aggression." President Dr. Hodiroy injected a new note into the demand by observing, "We have over four hundred Chinese here—they are in our power, remember."

New York, April 25th. The head of the Bongolian delegation, Sodibox Gozinaz Hodiroy, attempted to speak today, but the hall emptied so rapidly that he was left with no audience. Mr. Sodibox was wearing his "suit of eighteen pleading heads." A number of delegates, interviewed outside, stated that in their opinion the admission of Bongolia to the world body had been "premature."

Washington, April 26th. A number of U.S. senators and congressmen are reportedly agreed that the whole body of assumptions underlying the U.N. and many foreign nations needs to be re-examined. The "Bongolian mess" was the reason named by most of them for crystallizing this belief.

Peking, April 27th. In a formal warning to President Dr. Hodiroy Dabigam, the Chinese communist government today called for the immediate release of any Chinese nationals now held by the Bongolians as hostages. "Serious consequences may result," the Chinese warn, if these hostages are not immediately released unharmed.

Badibax, Bongolia, April 28th. President Dr. Hodiroy Dabigam, in an impassioned speech to an officially estimated half-million persons, today declared "bonganap" (war to the death, and then smash the enemy's bones) against the Chinese communists that he charged are trying to take over the island.

New York, April 28th. Sodibox Gozinaz Hodiroy, head of the Bongolian delegation to the U.N., today called upon the world body to unite in defense of a member nation and destroy communist China. The Chinese, Mr. Sodibox declared, are "heavily invading Bongolia despite heroic resistance by the Bongolian armed forces." No action was taken by the U. N., pending further information.

With the 34th Fleet in the Straits of Sadinak, April 28th. Firing from Bongolia could be heard tonight on board ships of the 34th Fleet cruising outside Bongolian territorial waters. If the Chinese are putting fresh "invasion troops" ashore here, they must be landing them from invisible ships. Aerial observation all day has revealed nothing remotely like a seaborne invasion force.

Badibax, Bongolia, April 30th. President Dr. Hodiroy Dabigam announced today that he has assumed "immediate full control over all Bongolian land, sea, air and space forces, with the rank of Field-Marshal General." President Dr. Field-Marshal General Hodiroy then announced completion of the successful bonganap against the Chinese communists by a "flank-attack combined with reverse enfilade fire by a seaborne invasion force of shock troops under my direct command." President Dr. Field-Marshal General Hodiroy then warned all states, singly and collectively, to consider this result of Bongolian Armed Forces in action and heed the warning. "China," he said, "is a large country. But we have defeated her crushingly."

Moscow, April 30th. Word of the Bongolian statement on their "victory" over "Chinese invaders" reached a group of leading Soviet officials at an informal reception here tonight. The Russians made no official statement, but were reported by the Americans present to have "gone into hysterics" after reading the Bongolian victory announcement.

Peking, April 30th. On the eve of the big May Day celebration, the mood of high officials in this capital can only be described by the image of a volcano pent up under a layer of ice five miles thick.

Washington, May 1st. Ships of the U.S. 34th Fleet, operating in the Sadinak Straits, are reported to have fished a large number of Chinese survivors out of the waters off Bongolia. Owing to the mutual anti-Bongolian sentiment, the Chinese appear to have talked freely to U.S. intelligence officers. What evidently happened was that the Bongolians, armed with weapons supplied by the Chinese, carried out a night sneak attack against the Chinese, who were outnumbered and mostly split up into small groups to begin with. The Chinese were slaughtered piecemeal, no more than perhaps one out of five having gotten away, many of these seriously wounded.

New York, May 2nd. At a meeting of the Security Council today, it was unanimously decided to take no action on the Bongolian charge of Chinese aggression.

New York, May 3rd. Sodibox Gozinaz Hodiroy, head of the Bongolian delegation to the United Nations, today announced that "the free and sovereign nation of the Republic of the United Bongolias hereby breaks and severs all relations with the United Nations, unilaterally and irrevocably permanently withdraws from the United Nations and declares 'doziwak' (this word, "doziwak," does not mean "war" but a peculiarly devastating insult; it is not directly translatable from the Bongolian) upon the United Nations and all the members thereof." Mr. Sodibox, who donned his "suit of the fourteen angry heads" before speaking, immediately left the U.N. Building, followed by the rest of his delegation. Upon leaving the U.N. grounds, Mr. Sodibox was at once arrested by the New York City police, on suspicion of murder.

New York, May 3rd. The Police Commissioner denied today that the New York police had any intention of releasing Sodibox Gozinaz Hodiroy or his accomplices, "till we find out where all those dried heads came from. They got those heads off of somebody. The question is—Who?"


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